I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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