have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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