oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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