I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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