The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think your dad took our porno
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
