just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
