Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
