the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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