My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we're so committed to being not committed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
