Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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