tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
