i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
