If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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