Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
