hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the high leading the old right now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
there is puke in my bra ... again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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