I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We need to get me chipped asap
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
