You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
