just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
