Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am one with the molecules
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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