maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
