It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
