After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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