No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
