she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
