Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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