No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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