My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
