Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
