Umm I'm too high to move.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize