he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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