ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
