Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
