Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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