I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
