what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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