Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
