if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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