there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
