I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
