Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
