That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
