he thought i was a dude.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
