Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize