Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
