you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize