32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
