it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
