apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
