we're blogging at a bar
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
