So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
