What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
