why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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