My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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