Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
