and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
