i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
