It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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