i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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