I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
