Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
