God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
