We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
