Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
