I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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