We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
