I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
