dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
