But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
