there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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