he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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