What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
